(Hello Blog) The Story So Far…
I decided to start a blog… Its something I’ve been meaning to do for a while now, but just haven’t got around to… My life has just been too chaotic really until now.
I have recently had a baby daughter, who is 3 months old. She is my first child with my partner, and totally adorable. I did already have 2 boys though, 8 & 4 by a previous marriage that was just too awful to tolerate…
Luckily, I met my partner of three and a half years now… We met online, completely by chance. I used MSN Messenger to stay in touch with family friends, and one day a friend of mine announced that she could no longer use this on their PC since his work had barred access, however, she COULD use Yahoo Messenger. Since we had children the same age, but she lived in Canada (and I in the UK) I downloaded it so that we could continue to watch each others children growing up (we had a web cam chat once or 2ce a week).
I had never been in a chat room before (even at Uni!), and MSN messenger had very publicly removed theirs amid a media circus. When I was looking through the differences between the 2 im service providers, I saw that Yahoo had got a chat facility… I thought I’d have a quick look and see what all the fuss was about…
To be honest I wasn’t very impressed, I wasn’t looking to chat with men in particular, but I had several messages pop up, and being naive I accepted them, only to have men pop up on web cam boxes (basically flashing). It was tantamount to assault! I was about to leave the chat facility never to return, but then I got into a non-cam chat with another person who happened to be Bf… We chatted for a while and the usual questions followed: How old are you? What do you do? etc, etc… He told me he was a pilot (yeah right, yawn). I said, ‘yeah, what ever… That’s obviously your Internet chat up line! What do you really do?’ He was adamant, but did admit, that he was not actually qualified, rather a cadet pilot, on a sponsorship training course in New Zealand, and that eventually he’d get a job with a major budget airline from the UK…
He asked me what I looked like, and we described ourselves… He then said that he noticed I had a webcam icon, and asked if he could see me, I was extremely wary and dubious, and refused, but he offered, and I said OK, but only if you are normal (and explained my previous experience in the room!) He promised… At this point, I had ABSOLUTELY no interest in anything beyond friendship, I had just decided to end a very difficult marriage, and had my 2 children to think of.
However, when I saw him on the screen, I remember taking a SHARP intake of breath! He was the MOST handsome man I had ever laid eyes on, and I felt lite a silly school girl looking at him! I agreed to let him see me, and he assures me that he had the same reaction!
We were living half way across the world from one another in 11 hour difference time zones, but some how, we managed to talk online every day for about 7 or 8 hours a day-his flying suffered a little as a result I think… We just didn’t seem to be able to say goodbye to one another. I was absolutely desperate to see him, and luckily for me, he was only 8 weeks away from leaving New Zealand (where he was hours building) to come home to the UK to complete ground school.
It was the longest and most intense 8 weeks of our lives… My phone bill was astronomical, and I dropped 2 dress sizes, to a size UK 6, because I had SO many butterflies in my tummy that I could never face eating-I was completely love sick! LOL. I think we admitted that we loved each other after just 2 weeks!
When he eventually returned home, we agreed to meet in Bournemouth. He booked a hotel, and I told him that I wanted to meet him out. We decided to meet in a club called Elements. He got ready in the hotel, then went out so that I could arrive there alone, get ready and go out to meet him. I packed a WHOLE suitcase of stuff including about 10 pairs of shoes so that I’d have something for every eventuality!
Half way down, he sent a picture text to my phone, and it freaked me out a little bit, he looked completely different (it wasn’t a great picture). I visualised having driven 3 and a half hours to see him only to find that I wouldn’t recognise him, and maybe there would be no real chemistry there! I felt like throwing up.
The bell boy I think guessed that it was our first date, even though bf told them his girlfriend was coming when he left the key for me at reception. He asked if it was a first date, and not wanting to be judged,I lied, and said that we’d been together for AAAAGES, but that it was the first time I’d be seeing him since he got home from training abroad!
When I got to the room, there was a card, a teddy, a box of chocolates, and my favourite drinks all there waiting for me… I was so touched that he’d gone to so much effort! I got ready, and had a couple of drinks (but I think they went quickly to my head as I’d barely eaten for 2 months) and I never normally drank at that time.
I remember standing in the queue of the night club alone, feeling nervous, sick, excited, amongst others. I worried that I wouldn’t recognise him. I walked to the bar to order a drink, then wandered around… I couldn’t see him… I thought maybe I’d been stood up! I planned to be very cool and calm and refrained when we met… We had discussed how we’d be when we met, and that was the plan. I went and stood on the dance floor, and then I remember seeing him just off the dance floor… It was the most incredible moment! Totally electric! All my cool resolve evaporated, and I just shoved my drink down, and we practically ran to each other!
We threw our arms around each other, kissed and the first words that we said to each other were I love you! It was completely surreal! We didn’t take our eyes off each other for the whole weekend, and at the end of the weekend, it was going to be a whole week (lol) since we’d see each other again, so we both cried!
We conducted our relationship like that at weekends for about a year, due to the long distance between us whilst he trained… Although it was difficult emotionally, and I missed him dreadfully, looking back I think it suited though, because he needed to focus on his training, and I had 2 children to raise, and to help them get over the emotional turmoil that had previously been our home life.
After a year or so, bf graduated through his training… Unfortunately, when he qualified, the airline he was down for, wanted to keep him on a tiny retainer, whilst he waited for placement availability to come up, this was a breach of their contract, and he was therefore offered a role on a mid-long long range fleet with another major ‘package holiday’ airline within the UK as it was then. He discussed with me what to do.
I desperately wanted him to stay with the first airline, selfishly, because I knew that this wouldn’t lead to long haul (the prospect of which terrified me). He asked me what I’d prefer, and I refused to say, I didn’t want to voice my selfish thoughts, and forever be held accountable for his decision… With the first airline, he’d have been flying the Airbus, and he had always preferred the thought of flying Boeings. He chose the second airline (much to my disappointment at the time).
I’ll never forget the day he first got to fly the sim, and then when he got to do his circuits in the actual jet (or beast as he called it)! Then when he put his uniform on for the first time! Oh My GOD! He looked FAB! I worried about whether the cabin crew would all fancy him (I felt sure they all would).
3 and a half years later, and through MANY ups and downs during his professionally qualified time, I have learned to accept that he couldn’t be happy without his career… Its a strange life… A lot of the time it feels like I’m single (though without the benefits of being single). I found support groups on Internet to help me befriend other pilots partners who understand the unique life style we share, and now I have decided to finally keep a record of my thoughts here…