Comments on: Reminiscing about the roller-coaster of feelings I had about how I’d cope with the life of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend/Wife before he was qualified. http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/ Open and candid diary of an commercial airline pilot's partner Wed, 27 Aug 2008 23:05:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: Partnerofapilot http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-2332 Partnerofapilot Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:43:59 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-2332 Perhaps he is honest about not doing anything more... To be honest I think most men, and a lot of women watch porn... It doesn't mean that they are cheating, and men in particular often don't realise that it might even be viewed as a betrayal by their partner. Not that I am excusing his behaviour. If it deeply offends you, then he is right to say he will not watch it again... However, maybe you could try experimenting with watching some together-maybe it might spice things up for him and re-capture some of the lost excitement? I guess if you wanted to look at the brighter side, you could be pleased that he wasn't chatting online to another woman or watching her on webcam, or cheating on you? I think that the whole not calling you whilst he is away thing is crap though. Yes, he could get a calling card-OR, even better, give you the landline number of his hotel and room number by text, and let you know by text when he's available to chat (that's what Bf and I do). I have found a great company online that alow me to make international calls from my landline at home at a fraction of the cost... I didn't even need to switch providers, I called them on a business rate number (084- in the UK) and they route the call through for me at a few pennies per minute!!! If you feel unhappy-then it's best to take control of the situation rather than feeling powerless. Don't sit at home waiting for him to call! YOU make the call to him! It would probably work out better than cards any way. He'd probably end up with trillions of part used cards in his wallet or something. It sounds like he's not making enough effort (and to be honest, maybe you could both do with making a little more effort-we're all guilty of letting standards slip over time). So talk to him, tell him how you feel-but don't expect him to make all the effort, or come up with all the solutions, you are a couple-that means partnership, which implies that you have to work as a team. Offer constructive solutions, and be open to suggestions. If he still makes no effort, then maybe it's time to put your own needs and the needs of your kids first! Perhaps he is honest about not doing anything more… To be honest I think most men, and a lot of women watch porn… It doesn’t mean that they are cheating, and men in particular often don’t realise that it might even be viewed as a betrayal by their partner.

Not that I am excusing his behaviour. If it deeply offends you, then he is right to say he will not watch it again… However, maybe you could try experimenting with watching some together-maybe it might spice things up for him and re-capture some of the lost excitement?

I guess if you wanted to look at the brighter side, you could be pleased that he wasn’t chatting online to another woman or watching her on webcam, or cheating on you?

I think that the whole not calling you whilst he is away thing is crap though. Yes, he could get a calling card-OR, even better, give you the landline number of his hotel and room number by text, and let you know by text when he’s available to chat (that’s what Bf and I do). I have found a great company online that alow me to make international calls from my landline at home at a fraction of the cost… I didn’t even need to switch providers, I called them on a business rate number (084- in the UK) and they route the call through for me at a few pennies per minute!!!

If you feel unhappy-then it’s best to take control of the situation rather than feeling powerless. Don’t sit at home waiting for him to call! YOU make the call to him! It would probably work out better than cards any way. He’d probably end up with trillions of part used cards in his wallet or something.

It sounds like he’s not making enough effort (and to be honest, maybe you could both do with making a little more effort-we’re all guilty of letting standards slip over time). So talk to him, tell him how you feel-but don’t expect him to make all the effort, or come up with all the solutions, you are a couple-that means partnership, which implies that you have to work as a team.

Offer constructive solutions, and be open to suggestions. If he still makes no effort, then maybe it’s time to put your own needs and the needs of your kids first!

]]> By: Carrie http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-2331 Carrie Wed, 16 Jul 2008 06:51:41 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-2331 My husband is an airline pilot. I have trust issues. I am lonely a lot. We have 4 kids and I have lots of trouble (as Jen said above), getting through my days and weeks. I feel like the door mat left at home to hold up the fort just because we have kids, not because we are a couple. I love him very much, so much it hurts that at times I do think it is NOT worth the pain, so I cotemplate leaving him. I worry about affairs, the one night stand kind, where there is no way to know or find out. I recently found out he was watching internet porn, so that made me feel so unloved and wanted. He says that's all he did and wouldn't do it anymore even though he thinks there is nothing wrong with it. Yeah right. I am not that stupid. He claims most hotels don't have internet where they send him, so I never get emails. He goes international, so I only get a call when he lands back in the U.S. days later. You'd think he would get a calling card or something after 9 years of this. Do I think he loves me? No. My husband is an airline pilot. I have trust issues. I am lonely a lot. We have 4 kids and I have lots of trouble (as Jen said above), getting through my days and weeks. I feel like the door mat left at home to hold up the fort just because we have kids, not because we are a couple. I love him very much, so much it hurts that at times I do think it is NOT worth the pain, so I cotemplate leaving him. I worry about affairs, the one night stand kind, where there is no way to know or find out. I recently found out he was watching internet porn, so that made me feel so unloved and wanted. He says that’s all he did and wouldn’t do it anymore even though he thinks there is nothing wrong with it. Yeah right. I am not that stupid. He claims most hotels don’t have internet where they send him, so I never get emails. He goes international, so I only get a call when he lands back in the U.S. days later. You’d think he would get a calling card or something after 9 years of this. Do I think he loves me? No.

]]> By: partnerofapilot http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-2095 partnerofapilot Mon, 30 Jun 2008 21:14:53 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-2095 It's okay that he likes those things as long as you can go to occasionally, and that he doesn't get totally hammered when away without you-if you're not okay with that. Bf likes to party occasionally, but not at the expense of his family or career. You'll find your coping mechanisms and boundaries together as a couple. You'll both have to make compromises as you make your way along the steep learning curve of a relationship within the aviation industry. It is hard, and it takes a special person to put up with and trust someone in this industry. That said, like every industry, there are a few a-holes out there who should be avoided like the plague! They are the ones that tarnish the whole industry with their shady behaviour and morals (lack of). Every walk of life has people like this, this industry just offers them more opportunities and scope to indulge it. Hopefully you know deep down whether your man is morally unsound or not. If your gut says he's genuine, but you think he needs to curb the behaviour that could lead to him making mistakes he'd regret, talk to him. Pilots can be guilty of arrogance that leads them to think thet're above making stupid mistakes... This is naivity. They think they will be able to avoid making mistakes simply because they dont mean to do so... That is not always the case where alcohol is concerner though (as us mere mortals know LOL). I'm sure he'll get to grips with it, and get over himself if you open up the communication.. GOOD LUCK It’s okay that he likes those things as long as you can go to occasionally, and that he doesn’t get totally hammered when away without you-if you’re not okay with that.

Bf likes to party occasionally, but not at the expense of his family or career.

You’ll find your coping mechanisms and boundaries together as a couple. You’ll both have to make compromises as you make your way along the steep learning curve of a relationship within the aviation industry.

It is hard, and it takes a special person to put up with and trust someone in this industry. That said, like every industry, there are a few a-holes out there who should be avoided like the plague! They are the ones that tarnish the whole industry with their shady behaviour and morals (lack of).

Every walk of life has people like this, this industry just offers them more opportunities and scope to indulge it. Hopefully you know deep down whether your man is morally unsound or not. If your gut says he’s genuine, but you think he needs to curb the behaviour that could lead to him making mistakes he’d regret, talk to him.

Pilots can be guilty of arrogance that leads them to think thet’re above making stupid mistakes… This is naivity. They think they will be able to avoid making mistakes simply because they dont mean to do so… That is not always the case where alcohol is concerner though (as us mere mortals know LOL).

I’m sure he’ll get to grips with it, and get over himself if you open up the communication.. GOOD LUCK

]]> By: Mandy http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-2093 Mandy Mon, 30 Jun 2008 20:06:47 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-2093 It's very enlightening to read how other partners of pilots have to deal with the constant pain and insecurity of dealing with your partner being away and surrounded by constant temptation. I swap almost daily between thinking 'all is ok, he loves me' to 'i'm being a mug, it's inevitably giong to fail'. I guess it depends on your man, unfortunately mine is one of the ones who loves to get drunk and socialise with the crew. A recipe for disaster in my eyes. I takes an incredible amount of faith and trust to be with a pilot - and if I'd known what it would be like I would have run a mile. It’s very enlightening to read how other partners of pilots have to deal with the constant pain and insecurity of dealing with your partner being away and surrounded by constant temptation. I swap almost daily between thinking ‘all is ok, he loves me’ to ‘i’m being a mug, it’s inevitably giong to fail’. I guess it depends on your man, unfortunately mine is one of the ones who loves to get drunk and socialise with the crew. A recipe for disaster in my eyes. I takes an incredible amount of faith and trust to be with a pilot - and if I’d known what it would be like I would have run a mile.

]]> By: Partner of a Pilot http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-1715 Partner of a Pilot Wed, 04 Jun 2008 12:29:46 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-1715 Hi there, Please note my blog has moved to: http://partnerofapilot.wordpress.com (including this entry which is at: http://partnerofapilot.wordpress.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-838 ) It does get easier with time. You will learn to deal with the irregular times more easily, and he will learn to prioritize you more. Him changing airlines may work, although he would likely still spend time away. I never thought I'd be strong enough to deal with this lifestyle at the start of our relationship; but time and love seem to help you learn! Good luck, and stay in touch :) Hi there,

Please note my blog has moved to: http://partnerofapilot.wordpress.com (including this entry which is at: http://partnerofapilot.wordpress.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-838 )

It does get easier with time. You will learn to deal with the irregular times more easily, and he will learn to prioritize you more. Him changing airlines may work, although he would likely still spend time away. I never thought I’d be strong enough to deal with this lifestyle at the start of our relationship; but time and love seem to help you learn!

Good luck, and stay in touch :)

]]> By: Xander http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-1709 Xander Tue, 03 Jun 2008 20:59:32 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-1709 My boyfriends an airline host...he gets nearlly no time off and has to serve 8 weeks on local flights in Australia for 8 weeks leaving us with webcam and email to talk. We havn't been together that long - but I have fallen for him, and I think he has fallen for me too...although I am his first boyfriend so I am not sure how long we will last anyway... But does it get easier? I have suggested him change his contract to try and help us see each other more...and he to see his family more... Anyone got words of advice? My boyfriends an airline host…he gets nearlly no time off and has to serve 8 weeks on local flights in Australia for 8 weeks leaving us with webcam and email to talk. We havn’t been together that long - but I have fallen for him, and I think he has fallen for me too…although I am his first boyfriend so I am not sure how long we will last anyway…

But does it get easier? I have suggested him change his contract to try and help us see each other more…and he to see his family more…

Anyone got words of advice?

]]> By: derya k?z?lay http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-1637 derya k?z?lay Mon, 26 May 2008 14:48:27 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-1637 My fiance is a F/O in an airline too and we are about to get married. These are the exact feelings I have about his job. We live together and I hate being alone, hate worrying about whether he has an affair or not, hate not being able to even plan the weekend, saying the same sentence to your friends again and again "Let me look at X's schedule then I will let you know". No matter how much I trust him I always have that fear deep in my heart. And these feelings...can only be understood by another pilot's partner... My fiance is a F/O in an airline too and we are about to get married. These are the exact feelings I have about his job. We live together and I hate being alone, hate worrying about whether he has an affair or not, hate not being able to even plan the weekend, saying the same sentence to your friends again and again “Let me look at X’s schedule then I will let you know”. No matter how much I trust him I always have that fear deep in my heart. And these feelings…can only be understood by another pilot’s partner…

]]> By: laura Greg http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-779 laura Greg Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:05:54 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-779 thank you so much for writing this page, it is so nice to know that someone is going through the same as me, my boyfriend is doing short haul just now. He was unsure about long haul, but now he really wants to do it, i feel devastated and he will probably need to move country. He keeps on trying to talk me into it, thinking i will move with him, but what life will i have if he is travelling the world and i have to live somewhere where i dont know anyone? i also have low self esteem, i cant bare the thought of the "party" lifestyle. The ironic thing is that im an air hostess myself!! i havent yet told my boyfriend any of this, he has 2-3 years before he builds up flying hours to do long haul. Its hard to keep smiling because it is always at the back of my mind. Right now im not sure what to do, do i tell him how i feel? we have only been together 11 months, is it too soon to question his career? xx thank you so much for writing this page, it is so nice to know that someone is going through the same as me, my boyfriend is doing short haul just now. He was unsure about long haul, but now he really wants to do it, i feel devastated and he will probably need to move country. He keeps on trying to talk me into it, thinking i will move with him, but what life will i have if he is travelling the world and i have to live somewhere where i dont know anyone? i also have low self esteem, i cant bare the thought of the “party” lifestyle. The ironic thing is that im an air hostess myself!! i havent yet told my boyfriend any of this, he has 2-3 years before he builds up flying hours to do long haul. Its hard to keep smiling because it is always at the back of my mind. Right now im not sure what to do, do i tell him how i feel? we have only been together 11 months, is it too soon to question his career? xx

]]> By: May http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-63 May Thu, 03 Jan 2008 15:29:25 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-63 I find it so refreshing how you speak with such honesty. I gloss over my insecurities when I talk to strangers but I never gloss over how difficult being with a pilot makes my life - I think even the most naive of people can tell it is not an easy life to live. Your blog is so honest and full of intelligent insight that makes me laugh but also makes me very thoughtful about my own situation. It is overall hugely comforting! x I find it so refreshing how you speak with such honesty.
I gloss over my insecurities when I talk to strangers but I never gloss over how difficult being with a pilot makes my life - I think even the most naive of people can tell it is not an easy life to live.
Your blog is so honest and full of intelligent insight that makes me laugh but also makes me very thoughtful about my own situation. It is overall hugely comforting! x

]]> By: Jen http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-54 Jen Sat, 22 Dec 2007 03:36:32 +0000 http://flygirlfly.flyblog.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/#comment-54 Thanks for writing about the life of the airline pilot. My husband, X, is a corporate pilot and sometimes yearns for a life as an airline pilot. I guess there are ups and downs in all types of aviation careers. I have experience as a military pilot wife and a corporate pilot wife. Today is one of my "down days". I miss my husband more today than usual because of the holiday season. We will be spending another Christmas away from our parents and siblings and I am homesick. X comes home tomorrow and has to take off Christmas Day in the afternoon. I have moved 7 times in the last 7 years that we have been married and I have yet to make a friend that I can share the good, bad and the ugly with over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. I have friends here but not a close friend. I am a stay-at-home mom of three great kids. I have lots to be thankful for in life yet I sit here on my pity pot. On my down days, I am jealous of the excitement in Xs job. I am jealous of his dinners out while I am eating macaroni and cheese with the kids. Usually on my down days, I end up getting in an argument with X on the phone and hanging up on him. Then, my insecurities get the best of me wondering if he did have affair, would it be my fault for being a jealous wife who is no longer the vivacious vixen I once was years ago. Being a pilot's wife isn't glamorous, it is hard. The main question I see in most of these blogs on aviation wives/girlfriends/partners is: Is it worth it? The answer for me is, "X is worth it". I love the man. Thanks for writing about the life of the airline pilot. My husband, X, is a corporate pilot and sometimes yearns for a life as an airline pilot. I guess there are ups and downs in all types of aviation careers. I have experience as a military pilot wife and a corporate pilot wife.

Today is one of my “down days”. I miss my husband more today than usual because of the holiday season. We will be spending another Christmas away from our parents and siblings and I am homesick. X comes home tomorrow and has to take off Christmas Day in the afternoon. I have moved 7 times in the last 7 years that we have been married and I have yet to make a friend that I can share the good, bad and the ugly with over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. I have friends here but not a close friend. I am a stay-at-home mom of three great kids. I have lots to be thankful for in life yet I sit here on my pity pot. On my down days, I am jealous of the excitement in Xs job. I am jealous of his dinners out while I am eating macaroni and cheese with the kids. Usually on my down days, I end up getting in an argument with X on the phone and hanging up on him. Then, my insecurities get the best of me wondering if he did have affair, would it be my fault for being a jealous wife who is no longer the vivacious vixen I once was years ago. Being a pilot’s wife isn’t glamorous, it is hard. The main question I see in most of these blogs on aviation wives/girlfriends/partners is: Is it worth it? The answer for me is, “X is worth it”. I love the man.

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